Festivals, Steeds, and 85...

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 85 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Wow, it has indeed been a while, hasn't it, dearest Diary? A lot has happened, lots of food has found its way into my tummy, and Ithil has fallen in love with a mountain. Not any mountain...the Lonely Mountain. Something about an old smelly dwarf who used to live there or some other insane stuffs, but more later. After all, this is my diary, so I'll first tell you about me.

Well, where to begin? I've had a most fabulous winter. The Yule Festival was simply divine and I ate so much food they had to roll me out of the theatre on one occasion. I build more snowmen than I thought any hobbit ever could, spread cheer amongst snowbeasts, killed off grims and woodtrolls and generally had a blast. Obviously Ithil had an even better time, or so she will tell you if you ask her...and indeed if you don't. Yes, she got not only a new horsie...I did too...but also some stuff for her war-steed. Oh, I'm so very jealous, Mistress Fail Mini.

However, after getting my newest outfit...I don't look cute in it, by the way, so don't even think that!...I left for Galtrev. Can't have the people there forget their favourite hobbit. However, I had the sneaking suspicion that I left something in Frostbluff. Oh well, can't be all that important as I can't think what it could possibly be...

After all the partying and a very much needed break from adventuring, G dragged me off again. And we did it, Diary, we hit the magic number 85! Though I still don't know what the heck that means. But for some reason people in Snowbourn thought it was worth giving me cake, so it can't be all that bad.

Also, I get the feeling that Gilerian...you remember her, Diary, the pet-obsessed lore-mistress...anyway, she seems to have rules of her own that only apply to her and no one else.

She uses her horse in instances (this shall be known as Evidence Number 1 from now on).

I will look out for more hard evidence as time goes on, but let me just say she can apparently throw fireballs at enemies that are behind her! G has seen it!

Other than all of this, there is not much happening right now. A festival is going on again in Bree, with fireworks and lovely food and lots of envelopes flying around all over the place. Clearly the townsfolk don't know about the Shire Quick Post...maybe they should invest in some postal service as well. Just saying...

Oh yes, and then there's the matter of Ithil and her beloved mountain... But I shan't comment on it, just see for yourself.

Ithil was crying over some dwarf called 'Thorin', doesn't she know he lives in Thorin's Gate (or at least I think he does, it's named after him after all).

Right, lunch is being served at the Prancing Pony right now, and I don't want to let Barliman wait for me. That would be simply impolite. Enjoy your festival, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Welcome to Rohan!

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 78 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I'm in Rohan, Diary. Not because I changed my mind about going there, oh no. But I've been receiving more and more messages from the inhabitants of Langhold, basically begging me to come and help them as they had this crazy minstrel passing through who wreaked havoc...I wonder who that was...and offering lots and lots of pies and cookies. I couldn't say no to that, could I?

So I grabbed G by his pointy ears and off we went to...Caras Galadhon? Seems Galadriel wanted to chat to us some, and nice hobbit that I am, I let her. Who knew we'd get food and stuffs out of it? Made me very happy indeed. Then we headed off downriver, stopped at Stangard to pick up Horn...Nona was totally nonchalant about it, but I wonder if those two...and finally we reached the East Wall and the Argonath.

The whole place was overrun by orcs, but G and I sent them packing. We also did a bit of sightseeing, for example we went up to Amon Hen and I sat in the Seat of Seeing with G standing guard...well, he is a guardian after all. We also saw the Falls of Rauros and the lawn of Parth Galen where we met a party of adventurers from Gondor.

Unfortunately said adventurers were a bit crappy and got us to free their dwarven friend from his Uruk Hai captors...and obviously they also forgot to mention the Nazgûl we inevitably ran into... Why oh why are there so many idiots in Middle-earth? Doesn't matter. After the Ring-wraith had been dealt with, we stumbled upon this cave, and found this baby bog-lurker...so cute! G mumbled something like 'both of you are' but when I asked him to repeat that, he wouldn't. Maybe because I was pointing my dagger at him...silly elf!

Having a bite to eat at the Thane's house.

But I hadn't forgotten all the letters and obviously wanted to pick up all the promised food, eh... I mean I really wanted to help the good people of Langhold, so off we went and found that the children in Rohan are like totally tough. Where a little hobbit would cry when he or she got punted all over the place, Rohirrim children love that kind of thing. And they thought that I would like it as well. I think parenting classes are in order...just saying.

Somewhere, somehow, something went seriously wrong in their upbringing...

All was going rather well until some insane person thought it'd be a great idea to invite the Nazgûl that had previously destroyed the town over to 'talk things over'. Guess how that ended, Diary. Give you a hint, we're all stranded in Harwick... But at least I got a nice war-pony out of it. Take the good with the bad, as I like to say...unless the bad is bad food.

Speaking of which, I'm off to grab some munchies now, so I shall speak to you later, Diary! Oh, but before I forget, apparently the Squirrel is now all Rohirrim as well and reached something 85 or other. Whatever...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Rohan Awaits

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Rohan awaits...and as far as I'm concerned it can wait a while longer. I'm still recovering from all the festivals we've had recently so there's no way I'm going somewhere I have to do chores again. And according to Ithil the chores in Rohan are...somewhat special.

So for the time being I'm sitting tight in Galtrev enjoying the hospitality and hero worship of the Dunlanding and endure the babble of Miss Crazy Minstrel. And babble she does, all the time and every flipping day since she went south. Can't she, you know, just stay there and leave a recuperating hobbit alone? Wishful thinking, I know.

So apparently she got this letter about two weeks ago summoning her to Langhold. If they're asking her for help, they must be really desperate. So she went there, killed some salamanders and bandits, found a Fell-beast and while she was cuddling it, its Nazgûl owner and his Easterling friends burned down the town. Well done, fail mini! But clearly the Rohirrim are used to their livelihoods going up in flames...ever heard of brick buildings and roof tiles?...so they weren't too upset at all, just asked her to help re-home them. Next thing people will ask us to rebuild towns singlehandedly...

So off she went to Harwick and got a new horse! And not just any horse, a war steed! For what exactly? Making sure that a town got destroyed? Well, go you! But it turned out that the new horsie wasn't quite as easy to handle as her previous mounts, so she had to take some lessons in riding again. Pathetic! I'm sure I won't need that when I get there. Because I'm awesome and she's just...not.

On and on she rambled about once again following the Fellowship's path and 'seeing' how Boromir lost the plot and tried to take the ring off of Frodo. I think she is delusional! And then she moved on to save various Thanes, met gigantic spiders and walking trees...I'm not going to Rohan, ever...and eventually travelled to Edoras to meet Théoden King and more importantly a girl called Éowyn. She seemed really happy about that for some reason.

Ithil and her new best friend, Éowyn

At this point though she became rather quiet and I had to prod her several times until she finally told me all about the stupid town she's now rebuilding. And with that she killed my last shred of desire to see the Land of the Horse-lords. Hytbold can find some other idiot to rebuild it. I'm out. So long. No more chores for this hobbit!

So while Ithil is running around doing chores and rebuilds silly towns, I'm munching on muffins and pies. And as I said, Rohan may await my arrival, but it can wait for a long long time!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

And Then There Were None...

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

I was already sleeping on Monday, slumbering peacefully and dreaming of pies and cakes and lovely things like that when I was woken by a positively giddy Ithil. Or as I'm calling her, and not just in my head but also to her face, inconsiderate, insane and impossible Ithilwen! Oh yes, alliterations are awesome, aren't they? Anyway, Ithil had just returned from Orthanc and they killed Saruman. Again. I was about to punch her. Or stab her in the back. 'No, no, no...' she said, 'you don't understand! We killed him on Tier 2 and almost got Challenge Mode as well.' Eh, what?! You killed him, good. That's all I need to know. Or rather, I don't! And most importantly, I don't need to be woken up because of stuffs like that!

But she continued her tale without paying any attention to me whatsoever. 'And we had to do it twice, because the first time round, we killed the last one, and then there were none, and then we had to use the rings, and then we suddenly died...' Hah! I bet it was all Ithil's fault as well! 'So we went again, and it all worked out great!' Yeah, yeah. Whatever! I had taken to playing with my daggers at that point, but did she take the hint? NO! However... After all the babbling of Orthanc, and Saruman and loot...I did listen to that bit very intently...she suddenly said, 'Oh, and the Festival is going on...' Woot?! And she doesn't tell me this immediately?! I don't flipping care about silly wizards, however festivals...that's different!

Ithil of course already got the steed and had to show it off and all, so I vowed to do better and not only get this year's new pony, but also the one I never bothered to get last year. I'm not gonna be beaten by some silly minstrel! So off I went to the Haunted Burrow, and I was somewhat frightened... But I'm a strong hobbit, and brave, so I stared down the spiders and other scary things and just kept going, finding hobbits, finding someone's lost items, finding... Hang on, they made me do chores again and I didn't even notice! Darn it!

I also went to the hobbit dances and learned the second hobbit dance, and then decided that after bobbing for apples, it was time to have a drink, or six...or...even more. So I talked to this hobbit from the Inn League, who invited me to share his ale, and who then sent me on a wild goose chase across the Shire and back. At the end of which I was...well...very happy indeed. However, I didn't want the dwarves of the Ale Association to feel left out, so I went to Bree and had some more drinks with them. Lots more. The world was a funny colour when it all ended. But oh well, the things one does to make everyone like you...

And finally I did it! I got both ponies. And if I say so myself, I look rather dashing on them. Wearing the matching dresses and cloaks of course. I'm a fashionable hobbit after all!

On my way to Hengstacer Farm, I found this pumpkin patch, and obviously couldn't quite resist picking a pumpkin or two. I think I'll carve it and put it in front of my tent to ward off silly minstrels who think it's a good idea to wake me in the night...

Right, off now to sample the food they have at the Festival Grounds. Enjoy your festival, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Goats, Deeds and a Very Lazy Guardian

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Summer is officially over I think. Well, at least the Summer Festival is, and I have detected a slight chill in the air this morning before I went and invited myself to breakfast at the Cotton's home. But while hobbit cooking is pretty much the best and our partying skills are topped by no one, it's high time for me to venture into the wide expanses of Middle-earth once more.

I think I'll join my friends in Galtrev again... The food there was quite nice and I still have to convince the Prince of Rohan and his riders that I am a most trustworthy hobbit indeed. And if that means that I have to steal, eh, borrow Punctured Shields and things like that from Ithil and so on, that's fine by me.

Speaking of the crazy minstrel...she spent the best part of a day near Gondamon the other day, murmuring over and over about some silly goat and Buried Treasure Tokens. Apparently something's going on in the Low Lands that involves, and get this Diary, collecting berries for a cave-claw. So it's not enough that the people of every village I go to want me to do their chores for them. Now the local wildlife have jumped on that particular bandwagon as well. No thank you! If Ithil wants to chase after treasure, fine. I shall sit tight where I am and enjoy the scenery.

Goats...bah! So while Ithil was 'enjoying' the Treasure Hunt and her growing obsession with mounts, Wyn finally caught up with Brogur in the Deep Way and helped him defend the dwarves from huge frogs and a generous helping of goblins and orcs. The poor dwarf only had to wait three years for her to show up... Afterwards, she went and chatted to Mr Arrogance himself, Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlórien...and I think she stayed longer than she had to. I wonder if she, you know, 'likes' him...


Shiny cloak looks better on me than Wyn And once she was done with Mr Pointy-Ear and Sharp-Tongue, she lulled my good friend Tickly Tickles into a false sense of security and got her to kill stuffs in something called New Devilry. Whatever that is, it doesn't sound very inviting. However, I heard that one of my favourite cloaks comes from there...the Cloak of Shadow and Flame. Shiny that. At the end of it all, she got something called Heart of Fire and was very happy about it. See, I'd be happy if I got pies...

And since I'm a sensible hobbit, I also stayed behind when everyone ran off to kill worms, giants, trolls and whatever else they felt like slaying for those strange deed things. Someone even told me to get some more Determination and I sat them down and explained to them that I was as determined as can be...determined to get the next meal and then some. I got a shrug in return and a mumbled 'suit yourself'. There's weird people in this, our Middle-earth...

Ithil just told me that the Harvestmath Festival is due to start on Monday...I believe that when I see it. But if it does start, I will camp out in Bree-land this time. I've had a bit too much of the happy-go-lucky hobbitness in the Shire and need some diversity in my life. Also, say what you will about the Bree-landers, they cook nice food.

Speaking of which, I think my lunch is ready, so see you later, Diary...and who knows, maybe next time it will be at the next Festival...

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Festivals in Rohan?

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Wynnie is lazy! There's no other way of stating it. She is bloody lazy! Just because she's on holiday doesn't mean she can skip out on her secretarial duties. But obviously she is of a different opinion. The nerve! And there is so much I have to tell you about, dearest Diary, I don't quite know where to start. Then again...

If Wynnie is lazy...which she is...then Ithil is crazy! Apparently something called NDA has been lifted so she suddenly started telling us all stories of her time in Rohan. First we all thought she'd gone down the deep end, but then others began talking about the same stuff... So apparently she went somewhere called Bullroarer...good Hobbit name that...and entered the Eastermnet. She had fun with Fellbeasts and their owners, palled around with the Fellowship, and topped it all off with the most idiotic thing ever. She went and jumped off a massive waterfall! Intentionally! Diary, I think she should seek out some professional help... These constant attempts to kill herself can't be good.

All in all, Ithil decreed Rohan to be absolutely awesome and promised that I'd love my war pony. Hang on, war pony?! She just giggled... And proceeded to babble about a burned-down town we would have to help rebuild like it was a good thing. It totally is not. Rebuilding stuff always involves something I'm trying to avoid at all costs...chores! I've only just escaped Hengstacer Farm, I'm not prepared to go back to doing the work other people just can't be bothered to do! Meh!

Anyway...so Ithil was doing her crazy-person stuff and also played about in Orthanc and Gilly was chasing purple skies... No really, the sky really was purple, or so she says. She said she was just riding around in Enedwaith, talking to crazy and less-crazy dwarves, and all of a sudden she looked up and saw the most beautiful sky ever. Silly elves. Looking at the sky when they should be seeking out the next meal! No wonder they're so skinny...

I'm not a silly elf. I'm a hobbit and I know what's good. And I say food and drink and festivities are very good indeed. Which is why I was...and still am...in the only place to be. The Party Tree! Occasionally I pop off to Bree, Thorin's and Celondim to do some fishing or find things people have misplaced, but generally I'm very much back home. For as long as the festival is on. After that I'll be going on my adventures again. Being back is nice, but after a while the Shire becomes a bit...too cheerful and too quiet and I have to leave to see the world once more.

For now though I'm happy to help Foxglove Tunnelly and Melilot Hayward with their lost things, though when it comes to Meliot's food...well...I might not be returning all of it... But she's a silly hobbit to leave food lying about the Shire. Doesn't she know what hobbits are like? We like to snack! And Mosco Smallburow is just as careless. I kinda feel for him...being dragged underwater by a fish isn't nice, but I'm still not returning all of his lunch to him. I'm a growing hobbit after all.

I'm not touching Ambi's concoctions though. Who knows what the silly dwarf put into those bottles. Nor will I leaf through Lalfor's books. Reading always makes me sleepy. And apparently that's true for him as well, or why would he constantly lose his stuff?

All my good deeds have netted me quite a few Summer Festival Tokens so I was able to splash out on my new pretty pony and some lovely new clothes. Aren't I the cutest hobbit ever?

And before I forget... Santhea, aka the Mistress of Purple Lightning, may her reign last forever and all that, is freezing her tender butt off on Hoth but is now 41. And she has caught the eye of some sort of medic called Talos Drellik...not sure what Mr Pirate has to say to that...

Oh, fresh pies have just come out of the oven, so I must run! Talk to you soon, Diary!

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.

Of Mithril, Events and Festivals

Diary entry by Wynniekins Cutthroat, level 75 Burglar, Gilrain


Dear Diary,

Summer is really here to stay it would seem. The sun is out, warming us all...a bit too much at times, or so Wynnie says...and I am eagerly waiting for the Summer Festival to begin. Ithil mumbled something like 'should be today', but I'll not believe that until I see it with my own eyes. I mean, after the Farmers Faire was delayed by a week...

However, not everyone has to wait for festivities it would seem. Apparently the evil Sith is currently enjoying her time at an event of some sort. The Grand Acquisition Race or something like that. She's flying back and forth between two places and has a jolly good time. (Hang on, flying?! How?!) Well, as much as she can have a good time. But hey, I've heard the she and her 'companion' Andronikos are...well...more than friends and maybe he's mellowing her down a bit. Maybe.

Or it could also be her way of celebrating her new title. She is now Lord Santhea, which strikes me as odd. How can a girl be a Lord? I mean, shouldn't that be 'Lady'? I asked her and she just huffed and threatened with purple lightning. But as I was running away and even hid in plain sight, the Squirrel sauntered up to Miss Evil and asked her for lessons. I think Isquariel is jealous and wants purple lightning as well. Silly girl.

Whatever happened between those two I don't know. Santhea was glaring daggers, so I most definitely did not stay to watch. If those two want to zap each other, that's fine. But I don't want to be the collateral damage, no thank you Diary. And if those two are fighting, my money is on the Sith. She's just far more ruthless.

So yes, I ran away to the kitchens, grabbed a snack and then thought a nice ride through the Shire would not be amiss. That's when I noticed. After having done her steamy thing, I didn't expect another surprise out of Wynnie for the next couple of months if not years. But I was dead wrong. I poked my nose into my stables and saw it. My lovely new pony! Wynnie apparently went Mithrilling and got all of us a horsie / pony again. She's the most awesome secretary ever!

Right, I will go and check if there's a festival to be had today, if not, I'll just grab something to eat in Michel Delving. Enjoy your summer, Diary and I shall talk to you very soon.

Wynniekins Cutthroat, signing off.